What Behavior Should Be Excluded by Adults in Order to Develop Leadership in Children
How can parents help their child develop leadership qualities, purposefulness, and ambition? This question is as relevant as ever. Maria Eril, psychologist, head of the “Psychology of Communication” direction at Business Speech, gave some advice.
Today, children from a very young age observe a huge number of examples in social networks, when people who seem to have made no effort to become famous and famous become famous. Moreover, they may not have the qualities that are commonly believed needed to manage and maintain their popularity. Quick and easy popularity often ends just as quickly, and a person can find himself on his own, without the necessary education and without having formed the qualities necessary for adulthood.
Children now have many temptations and opportunities for quick success, and just parents can help them form the necessary qualities in order, in spite of everything, to have a solid support in life.
We must also not forget that each child has his own individual characteristics - a predisposition to one or another type of communication and interaction with the outside world.
Take control
Let’s talk about this paradox first: successful is not equal to convenient.
Very often I hear parents set a conflicting goal: “I want my child to be a successful and ambitious leader, but at the same time not to give me too much trouble, to be obedient.”
It is very important to understand: if you want to develop a free person who does not succumb to the need to solve any problems, does not stop at obstacles, then the first obstacle in this movement will, of course, be such an attitude.
Remember: a child’s free behavior is often a sign of becoming a good future leader.
Therefore, the main obstacle to the formation of leadership qualities in a child is excessive control.
The child has two options for reactions to this.
- The first is that he will submit and suppress his ambitions, “fold his wings.” For example, the famous pianist Polina Osetinskaya often talks about her controlling and demanding father in interviews. Yes, indeed, she was a successful pianist all the time that her father ruled her, but as soon as he retired, her life path changed dramatically.
- The second - the child begins to rebel. Here we may encounter uncontrollable and possibly aggressive behavior. This is also not about good relations and not about a healthy climate in the family.
What to do?
It is worth talking with all family members who are involved in raising a child to determine his freedom zones: green, yellow and red .
- Green is the zone where the child makes his own decisions. Absolute freedom.
- Yellow is a zone where we have conversations with the child and try to incline him in a certain direction , if he makes an irrational decision. This is a zone when we can still insist on our own.
- Red - zone where the situation is not discussed. The child obeys.
What can get into these zones?
- In green - the choice of style of clothing, the location of furniture in the room. Sometimes even the order, decoration and design of the room.
- In yellow - the amount of time that the child devotes to study, games, rest. Here you need to set certain limits, although the child is still free and can choose.
- In red - issues of the physical safety of the child. There must be rules here. Under the ban - dangerous or extreme games, trips to places where the child may be in danger, etc.
After discussing everything with family members, you need to talk with the child. This will help set the right framework and leave a sufficient amount of freedom.
Compete with yourself
For future success, it is necessary to stimulate competitive activity in the child. Only for this you need to choose the type of activity in which he has the maximum chance to succeed. Thus, he will feel the taste of victory.
At the very beginning, you should not go to the resistance. It is important to determine exactly the activity where the child will be objectively good.
It is also important to decide how to comment on the child’s progress and how to support him. A person has two loci of control. External - when a person depends on a reaction from the outside: disapproval or comparison. This locus of control is less stable. Therefore, it is important to develop an internal locus of control: the desire to achieve what he himself wants.
To do this, it is necessary to avoid any manipulations when discussing the competitive activity of the child. You can not say phrases from the series: “If you do not take at least one prize in the competition, then you are worthless.” Such words develop an external locus of control, and neither we nor the child himself needs it. Also avoid comparing with other children. The “mom’s friend’s son” syndrome has ruined the lives of so many people, and such a comparison is definitely not the right way to help build self-confidence and leadership qualities.
How to proceed? Compare the child’s achievements with his past achievements. You need to pay attention to how he has grown in this or that business, be sure to praise him and give him as much support as possible. Another important condition is that you also know and be interested in the type of activity that the child has chosen. This means that you can give very specific, targeted and really heartfelt support. This approach will develop an internal locus of control that will help the child become an ambitious person in the future.
If you follow this line in parenting, it will help you develop leadership qualities in your child, relying solely on your inner strength, as well as build deeper and closer relationships that will be based on a sense of real inner support.
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