How to Tear a Child Away From a Smartphone and Whether It Should Be Done
The child is “stuck” to the screen - a frequent complaint of modern parents. How to distract children from gadgets and whether to completely ban their use, says clinical psychologist Ilya Rozov
We live in a world where electronic devices are everywhere. They make our lives easier, such as helping us find information and pay bills faster and more conveniently. They also give us a lot of positive emotions from communicating with friends and family, watching interesting films, listening to our favorite music. Many parents, however, are frightened by the fact that their children sit in front of screens for too long, and it can be extremely difficult to captivate them with something else. Of particular concern is that on the Internet they may come across scenes of violence, become victims of bullying, or simply lose interest in live communication with peers.
Is it really worth worrying about? The opinions of scientists on this matter are contradictory. Some point to the relationship between the time a child spends on a smartphone or tablet and problems with academic performance and behavior. Others emphasize that computer games help develop cognitive skills and creativity, and also introduce unusual experiences, make you think about what to do in a given situation.
Very often, gadgets and video games are contrasted with outdoor games like chasing or building huts under a tree in the yard. Studies show that they develop social skills and fine motor skills, and they are also a good option for physical activity. But today’s children will objectively play in the street much less often than their grandparents at their age, because the world has changed. And it’s not just about gadgets. Not every parent, for example, will send a child alone to a playground next to the roadway. Therefore, children, and even more so teenagers, tend to the Internet: in social networks and in video game chats, they are more likely to meet friends than on the playground.
What should parents do?
I’ll make a reservation right away, the recommendations below are not tips on how to leave a child without a phone at all. In my opinion, this is no less harmful than allowing him to use his smartphone without restrictions. First, the gadget is needed so that you can keep in touch with it. Secondly, the phone allows the child to master the basics of computer literacy - a skill that is very important in the modern world. If your child objectively spends too much time in front of screens, make a schedule for when he can use a smartphone or laptop. So you limit the time with gadgets, but do not deprive him of communication with friends and entertainment. It is important that the schedule is convenient for both the child and you.
Now let’s move on to how to distract the child from the screen at least for a while.
1. Spend time with your child. If all of his buddies are on social media or playing video games, it will be hard for him to figure out what to do with himself. Plan outings or activities together, such as going to the zoo or board game night. These events will help bring you closer. Don’t be discouraged if a child, especially a teenager, isn’t enthusiastic about your idea at first. Explain that it is important for you to spend time with him.
2. Do not resort to a rigid relationship: the punishment is the deprivation of a smartphone, the “five” is more time in front of the screen. It would seem that at first glance this is a great solution, but in fact it will only reinforce the child’s idea that the phone is an extremely important and valuable item that needs to be earned. Thus, you will only warm up his desire to play on a smartphone.
3. Lead by example. It is difficult to demand from your children less time to spend on a smartphone or computer screen if you yourself do not let go of your mobile phone. For a child, parents are role models. By giving up your smartphone for a while, you demonstrate the behavior you want to teach. If you don’t know where to start, try, for example, introducing a rule in the house to sit at the table without gadgets.
4. Discuss with your child what he would like to do, let him try his hand at different hobbies. Dancing, singing, drawing, swimming, rock climbing - any circle will help develop important social skills, as well as broaden your horizons. When children find something that they are more interested in than a gadget, they begin to pay less attention to it. In addition, such a conversation will help you better understand the child, and therefore improve your relationship with him.
As much as you want to reduce the amount of time your child spends on a smartphone, remember that our minds tend to divide everything into good and bad. Hence, the phrases from the series: “In our time, we didn’t sit at the computer, but walked on the street.” But this is a trap, and it prevents you from perceiving anything, including gadgets, objectively. And today they give children a lot: skills, communication, common interests and socialization.
Therefore, try to agree with the child that he will spend his free time in a variety of ways, and not just playing the computer. If it so happens that he can’t refuse gadgets in any way: he doesn’t tear himself away from the screen, forgetting to eat or do his homework, he is easily irritated and overexcited when he doesn’t have access to a smartphone, then it is advisable to contact a specialist.